One flew over the cuckoo's nest

Things that are annoying me here in the hospital:

1. The annoying housekeeping woman. She comes in my room over half-a-dozen times a day: Empties trash - leaves. Later comes back cleans bathroom and floors - leaves. Later comes back to pick up the 'wet floor' sign - leaves. Later comes back several times a day to get gloves...as if there aren't gloves in other rooms? does she not have pockets to put gloves in? Dejame en paz!
2. The food/dietician. I mentioned the food in another post. Part of the problem with the food for me is that they have me on a diabetic diet (which, as you know, I'm vehemently protesting this diagnosis). The diet is a 2200 calorie diabetic diet which consists of three meals and 2 snacks. Supposedly this is supposed to add up to 2200 calories. I beg to differ. I asked to be weighed last week and discovered that I lost 4 pounds - on bed rest where I do nothing but eat and lay around! I've talked to the dietician and she offered absolutely no help on how to keep up calories on this diet. My snack choices are either a cup of cereal, or 1 3-pack of graham crackers, or an apple with cheese or peanut butter. The main meals are mainly concerned with carbs - vegetables and protein? Forget it. The eggs are fake and the vegetables and protein are not necessarily available with every meal and when veggies are on the menu they are they are absolutely disgustingly overcooked. The "tomato and lettuce" salad is always frozen. I finally asked one of the food service gals if they had hard boiled eggs and she brings me some when I ask. (As a side note, when the perinatal radiologist saw my hard boiled eggs, she said "oh good source of protein and the cholesterol is good for the baby"). The next time that dietician comes in she's going to hear it from me.
3. Dry as a desert. The air here is soooooooooooooo dry. They keep it dry to reduce bacteria. But because of this, I'm constantly congested and have a bloody nose.
4. The nurses won't keep my door closed/cracked. There is a lot of hallway noise and I like to keep it at bay by closing my door most of the way, but inevitably housekeeping (see #1) or a nurse will come in and leave it open.

As Time Goes By...

And no matter what the progress

Or what may yet be proved

The simple facts of life are such

They cannot be removed.

You must remember this

A kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh.

The fundamental things apply

As time goes by.

Week 2 on bed rest (1 April):

wake up; go to bathroom; check sugar; eat; go to bathroom; lay on my left side - uncomfortable; sit up; lay reclined - back hurts; go to the bathroom (ahhhhhh feels good to stand up); lay down; turn on t.v. (nothing worth watching until 5pm); turn on radio; check sugar; look out window; eat; go to bathroom; lay down; sit up; read magazines; turn off radio; turn on tv - britcoms are on PBS!.......

and so it goes.

After a couple days of this, it gets kinda old. Surprisingly on weekends when all you want to do is veg-out, it all sounds so appealing.

Week 3 on bed rest (8 April)

On Friday April 7th (34 weeks), my doctor called me and informed me that my protein had gone up to 2.5 g. Previous readings were at less than 1 g. Based on those results, he was concerned that they would continue to exponentially climb. His recommendation was to be admitted (again) and run another 24 hour test to see what the next value would be, then based on that result he'd be able to determine what the trend is. We decided it was better for me to be in the hospital knowing that once I went in, I wouldn't be released until I deliver. So I got admitted that Friday. We were hoping this was an errant test and really did not want to deliver at 34 weeks. I took the next test and, SURPRISE SURPRISE, my protein had actually dropped to 1.4 g. So my protein was lower and my amniotic fluid was good. We continued with monitoring amniotic fluid and protein. The next round of tests weren't as good. My AFI dropped but the perinatal radiologist wasn't concerned as he saw a lot of fluid in one pocket. My protein crept up to 2 g though. My platelets, which were dropping, actually came back up. Later that week I had another AFI done and it continued to drop. So I did another protein test and based on those results we would have to make a decision about delivery (35 weeks).

In the meantime, my baby shower was now out of the question. And since I wasn't home, I really needed to feel prepared just in case we had to deliver early. We still needed to get a car seat (high priority), get the crib put together, wash the new baby clothes......I felt totally disorganized and it was driving me nuts!

Despite all of this, I'm glad to have such good friends and relatives that called or stopped by to visit! It's hard not to feel down and isolated when you're in the hospital and their support has been wonderful for me.



Week 4 on bed rest (15 April):

My next protein test results came in and, SURPRISE SURPRISE, it only increased to 2.1 g. My platelets increased even more and have been the highest they've been. Totally stumped. My doctor had already decided that he was going to start inducing Wednesday with cervical gels and deliver Thursday (36 weeks). His reasoning was 'why wait?' 36 week old babies are just as healthy and why wait for something to go wrong. That being said, he was willing to wait for the next AFI reading, if that was even lower I really would have no options but to deliver.

Now we were wondering what was causing my proteins to have gotten worse, better, then relatively stable. The difference was that protein in my diet had increased. Steven had been increasing the protein in my diet when I was home and when I was admitted, he brought me extra food to supplement since the hospital food is not very nutritious (doesn't that surprise you? You'd think as a hospital they'd have very nutritious meals but what I've determined is that they don't follow the nutritional guidelines for protein, vegetables, etc.... more on that later).

The perinatal radiologist came in to do my AFI and, SURPRISE SURPRISE, it increased - in fact almost doubled! Based on that and my other results she saw no reason to deliver me.... I bought another week which meant that as long as nothing went south I could deliver at 37 weeks rather than 36 which, according to my doctor, is considered 'term'. While it seems insignificant, at 37 weeks the baby has a better chance of not going to NICU, having developed the sucking reflex, and my body being more prepared.

So now I have a few more days left before we start the induction on next Wednesday/Thursday....

Sleep, perchance to dream...

ay, there's the rub

That's all I've been able to do for the last week.

Sunday, 25 March: This weekend I noticed my blood pressure starting to rise. Then Sunday while my father-in-law was over in the morning I felt something damp. I went to the bathroom and noticed a gooey glob on my leg. Mucous plug? I called Steven and had him look at it. At first he didn't think it was but after looking online it really sounded like my mucous plug. I called my doctor and left a message. The other doctor in the practice was on call and returned my call and asked me to stop into Alexandria while she was there for a couple hours.

We arrived at the hospital and I was hooked up to a fetal monitor, blood pressure cuff, had probably 6 vials of blood drawn, and had a fetal fibronectin test run. Dr Salgado came in and looked at my swelling and blood pressure readings. We waited for lab results to come back in. About 4 hours later, labs were in and there was an elevated reading in uric acid. We left with instructions for bed rest until Tuesday and follow up with my doctor on Monday.

Monday, 26 March: We went to the doctor's office and she did an exam to check my cervical length. She could only confirm feeling about 1.5cm of it which left her uncomfortable since I was 32 weeks. She sent me for an ultrasound to check cervical length and also gave me a container to do a 24 hour urine collection to test for protein in my urine.

We went straight from the doctor's to the ultrasound office. They confirmed my cervical length was about 2.2 (Dr Salgado wanted it to be 2.5). They also checked the baby, amniotic fluid, etc. Then they wanted to do a 3-D ultrasound - for reasons still unknown other than they got a new machine and wanted to use it. While I was checking out, my doctor's office called to discuss the results of my ultrasound. The nurse started in with going to see the Perinatal radiologist and steroids and on and on and on....Stop, wait, what? I handed the phone to Steven because I was too overwhelmed to talk. We went home and I laid in bed and collected my urine certain that this too would pass.

Tuesday, 27 March: I dropped off my specimen after lunch and was feeling pretty good. Not that I was feeling bad to begin with.

Wednesday, 28 March: Steven left to drop off some items at his dad's house and came home and immediately started looking up something in one of our reference books. I was on the phone with work at the time and when I hung up, he said "we're going to the hospital." I failed another test. My protein came back at 800mg. Normal range is like 300. They wanted me to go in for 24 hours. Ok.... take a shower, pack a bag, get something to eat. We arrived after 6pm. The nurses immediately talked about getting a steroid injection. Um no, not yet. Don't think it's necessary really. Again, I was hooked up to a fetal monitor, blood pressure cuff, had blood drawn, and had to do yet another 24 hour urine collection.

Thursday, 29 March: Dr Fracasso stopped in and thought I had taken the steroid shot. He agreed that it was my choice and gave me the impression that after 34 weeks it would be of no difference. I said "well I'm 33 weeks today." He deferred to the perinatal radiologist to get their opinion. About 2pm, I was getting a bit anxious and asked Steven to find out when I was supposed to see the radiologist. She happened to be at the nurses's station. Apparently no one informed her ahead of time that I had been waiting. She did an ultrasound on a portable machine and the baby looked good. I mentioned being borderline pre-eclampsia and she said 'No, you have pre-eclampsia'. She, too, assumed I had taken the steroid shot and when I said that I hadn't she really gave me her opinion. She just didn't see why I wouldn't want to do it as the benefits to the baby are certain. She mentioned something about staying in the hospital because with pre-eclampsia, there is a a risk of the placenta detaching from the uterine wall. I said there is no way I can stay in the hospital for 4 weeks and she said, very dryly, "yes you can and we've had some women in here even longer." and with that she left.

Later that evening I was called to see her again as she wanted to run one last test on ultrasound. She gave me literature on the steriods that I asked for and checked a value called "resistance indicator" which checks my blood vessels to the placenta. Again, I fail another test. Not by much, but I fail it. She emphasized again the steroids. I went back to my room and after talking to Steven, I called the nurse to administer the injection. Part of my hesitation on steroids was that I did not want to start a chain of events that would leave me without options. Steroids can cause increase in blood sugar levels, which then require insulin injections to offset the glucose levels. I also did not want doctors to have an "excuse" for delivering me early without any real medical necessity. But after weighing it all out, the benefits for the baby are most important.

Friday, 30 March: Dr Fracasso came in and we chatted about when I might be getting out. He felt chances were good that I might get out that night, but plan on Saturday. He mentioned something in passing about inducing me at 37 weeks via C-section.... hm, yet something else to discuss. I mentioned going back to work and he recommended not "burning the candle at both ends." My blood pressure had been stablized, at least while lying down, and my glucose levels never went off the charts for me to require insulin (can I mention again that I don't think I have gestational diabetes?). My 24 urine test came back elevated to 810 buy my doctor was not worried about the small change. Finally at 7pm, the nurse came in and gave me my discharge orders! Bed rest, may not return to work, and a ton of "signs" to look for.

This weekend: So now I'm setup in the office for close proximity to the bathroom (and not having to go up and down stairs from our bedroom loft). Steven has been doing a great job of trying to get chores done and make sure I drink water and stay fed.... he's a great guy. I love him.

Sitanka

Sitanka [sih-tahn-kah] Sioux, Am Indian "Big Foot" 'Si': "Foot" + 'Tanka': "Big, Great"

It started last week when my boots were so tight on my legs that at the end of the day there were impressions from where it hit my legs and ankles. A gal co-worker of mine went to the store with me in the middle of the day in hopes that I might find some end of season boots, but no luck. There are lots of pretty shoes out but with the swelling in my ankles, all I want to do is hide them. Then I put on my Danskos Thursday, by the time I got to the airport I knew there was no way of getting those bad boys back on if I took them off for security. So I opted to get frisked down. Of course the female TSA agent instructed me to take off my shoes. Um...yeah.... no way.

When I got home, Steven and I went to the mall and a very nice lady in the shoe dept helped me pick out some shoes. She empathized and said her feet grew 2 sizes! I went out today and bought a new pair of boots to take me through the end of the month with my skirts and a pair of slip on Skechers (tying my shoes is becoming a challenge too). I am now about 1-1.5 size larger than my pre-pregnancy size.

Tiptoe through the Tulips

While strolling thru the park one day, In the merry month of May:

I was taken by surprise by a pair of roguish eyes

In a moment my poor heart was stole away.

We went to a store in Gaithersburg called "Great Beginnings" (www.greatbeginningsonline.com) to look at a stroller that we had seen online. This store is the only one in the area that carries the stroller. We definitely wanted to see it and "test drive" it prior to purchasing just to be sure we'd like it. The stroller is by the company Stokke (www.xplory.com).

This stroller is awesome. The seat adjusts up and down so the baby can be higher than a normal stroller. And the seat also can face you or face out. The wheels also can be adjusted so that you can take it up/down stairs (like a hand truck). So we were there looking at TONS of strollers - BOB, XPlory, several others. Too many decisions. Then we looked at car seats. We finally asked the salesman for help to detach the seat from the base. He giggled and said "must be your first child", then with a quick sleight of hand the seat was removed....ah the secret latch in the back. We were ready to leave still undecide about the stroller when another couple came in and had their baby girl with them. They too were looking at the XPlory and placed the baby in the stroller. That clinched it for us. Seeing how engaged she was in the stroller was definitely worthwhile.

We bought the stroller in a nice bright shade of green.

Laughing Buddha

Rub the belly for good luck!

Here is my view at ~26 weeks





30 weeks

Sugar, Sugar

Sugar, ah honey honey

You are my candy girl

And you've got me wanting you.

Honey, ah sugar sugar

You are my candy girl

And you've got me wanting you.

The Archies

I am now diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I went in for my "routine" OB check and knew the glucose test was coming but didn't anticipate that I would take it that morning. So I had my normal breakfast of cereal and yogurt and off Steven and I went to the doctor's office. I decided to take the test that morning since I had some time and didn't want to run around all morning looking for a lab. 50g of glucose.

Such a sweet, easy test.

Stage 1 - Denial. The following Monday, I received a call from my doctor's office that I had failed my test and that I now needed to take the 3-hour GTT as soon as possible. ugh. Needless to say I was upset over this. "how could I have failed? I don't eat that much sugar." I'm sure that test was wrong considering I had breakfast and taking the 3-hour test would certainly prove them wrong. So I schedule my test for that Friday and am certain that I will pass this one. The 3-hour test requires 4 blood draws: Fasting, 1-hour, 2-hour, and 3-hour post 100g of glucose. Also, there is a particular diet to follow leading up to the test (which I did not know until the night before the test). But I'm certain it won't matter. So I take the test and wait for results and am feeling pretty positive. I'm in good shape, haven't gained a ton of weight, have been watching what I eat......

and I fail.

Stage 2-Anger. Now I'm really upset. I get the call during work and am stunned to hear that I failed this test too. How can this be? I am so upset over this that even thinking about it made me upset. I am told I need to make an appt with INOVA Diabetes Center and then a follow up with another doctor... my mind is a fog and I'm trying to hold it together. Diabetes.

Stage 3-Bargaining. So I'm thinking, surely you must be looking at the wrong results. Are you sure that's my result? I didn't follow the prescribed "diet" before the test, maybe I can take it again. If I don't eat that much sugar, then OF COURSE my body will react and I'll fail the test. "Don't you see this?" Please don't tell me to adjust my diet, I eat fine now. What else will you tell me that I don't know? Exercise? Doing it. Anything else? See, I think you are wrong, I don't have diabetes.

Stage 4-Depression. All day Thursday I can't get over this. I try to stay focused on work. The more I ignore this the more it won't be reality. Food. What's the point of eating it. I'm tired of eating and having to watch what I eat. Does it matter. By the time I get home, however, I can't keep it together and cry on Steven's shoulder all night. I don't want this diagnosis. I don't want what it represents, what long-term impact it will have on my life or my baby, nor do I want the short-term impact of possibly having to do things in a more medical way. He tries to encourage me to eat but frankly I was sick and tired of eating. The Bradley Method has a prescribed diet and now I'll have to follow a "diabetic" diet - reduce sugar. I don't eat that much so what else will you tell me?

I call INOVA and they can squeeze me in last minute in a "class" on Friday. Class? Oh geez, a nutrition class. But I don't need it! Can't you see? I'm asked, "Do you have your own glucose monitor?" Huh? Why? I DON'T HAVE DIABETES why would I have a monitor. "OK we'll give you one." (but I don't want one) I watched my father struggle with diabetes and his constant blood checks, I watch my step-father struggle with his diabetes, blood checks, and dialysis, and I watch my mother struggle to keep from the same fate after her initial diagnosis. I really don't want this.

Class is small, myself and two others. Two others who have struggled with their weight prior to the pregnancy. Two others who said they don't know what they are going to do to eat. "but you can still have a diet coke and fries and mcnuggets"... a sigh of relief comes from one. Again, I tell you, I don't need to be in this class.

I leave class with a glucose monitor and diet tracking sheets. I have to check my urine in the morning to ensure I'm not in ketosis. Steven encourages me. I'll prove them wrong and FINE I'll stick my finger 4 times a day to prove to you that I don't have this problem. You will see when I come back in a week. So there.

Stage 5-Acceptance. I'm not there. I'm still going around and around between Stages 1-4. I'm "measuring" my food (!&*#@#*) and "counting carbs". What I have come to accept is the scientific fact that my body is going through a type of insulin resistance from the hormones from the placenta therefore I am unable to produce enough insulin to process extra glucose. So I'll "watch" what I eat and exercise for the health of my baby and me.

That's about as far as I've gotten.

My Doula oblongata

Doula: dou·la/Doo-luh/ –noun, plural -las.
a woman who assists women during labor and after childbirth.
[Origin: 1975–80; < Mod Gk, female servant]

Who knew a person like this existed? This is definitely a new word for us. I hadn't actually considered a doula until I realized that my support network is kinda limited. Even still, it was a vague notion. A friend of mine hired a doula for his wife's birth and said it was money well spent, that's when a notion became something to really look into. So in addition to trying to find a class, I'm considering trying to find a doula.

Back to School

Word to the wise: Do Not Wait until the last minute for classes!

Just when you think you have enough time, you don't. We really hadn't talked about what kind of birthing we wanted. I am still on the fence regarding whether an epi is worth it... thoughts of:
1) having to stay perfectly still while the epi is administered makes me worry (under stress and pressure, I have a hard time with this).
2) being numb from the waist down kinda freaks me out.
3) giving birth is a natural experience across all species and cultures. Why does Western medicine have to play a part in this?

So, there's all sorts of classes - Lamaze, Bradley, Alexander, Hypno-birthing, etc. Steven and I have been looking at the Bradley method (www.bradleymethod.com). Here's the rub: it's a 12 week course! 12 weeks usually during the week! With traveling for work, 12 weekday classes are impossible. I am waiting to hear back from an instructor I found that offers classes on Sundays. The other alternative is an educator who is offering private lessons compressed in 4 weeks at the shocking price of $500!

We also signed up for 3 other "classes" with INOVA: infant CPR and first aid, baby care, and an extended tour of the maternity center.

25 weeks

eenie weenie @ 25 weeks (2/2/2007).
Power to the People! It's hand is near it's face
and if you look close you can see the fingers. this was taken at the perinatal office and everything looked good. She confirmed the extra lobe but it looked OK. *phew*

21 weeks

eenie weenie at 21 weeks (1/4/2007). We decided to not find out the gender of our baby if they could avoid it. Everything looked good - heart, lungs, brain. They did find a low-lying placenta and an extra placental lobe. This was a bit surprising. My doctor put me on pelvic rest and no strenuous activity. I was also referred to a perinatal specialist for another ultrasound. My research indicated that low-lying placentas at 20 weeks usually correct themselves as the pregnancy progresses.

I bit the bullet and bought maternity clothes. I had been putting it off as long as possible hoping that I could work from home and stay in my pj's all day long :-) When I got assigned to a gig in NYC that is business dress, I HAD to go shopping, besides the fact that my pants were getting uncomfortable. My mom and I went to the mall and I bought a suit, a pair of pants, and several skirts. Then I found a local consignment shop and bought more outfits for about 1/2 the price of retail. My sister's friend Betty gave me some clothes as well. I rounded out my purchases with some end of season sales at JCPenneys and I think I'm all set for clothes. (I hate to admit it but they are more comfortable).

Alive and Kicking @ 18 weeks

You turn me on, you lift me up
And like the sweetest cup I'd share with you
You lift me up, dont you ever stop, I'm here with you
Now its all or nothing
cause you say you'll follow through
You follow me, and i, i, I follow you...
Alive and kicking
Stay until your love is, alive and kicking
Stay until your love is, until your love is, alive
Simple Minds

I'm happy to write that my Nuchal Fold and my AFP have come back fine so I'm feeling a little more at ease at actually telling people and putting things in writing. The first 15 weeks were kinda tough due to the fact that food was not really agreeing with me. I wasn't nauseous or anything, but food just wouldn't go down and by the end of the day it felt like food was stuck in my throat. And my burping was driving me nuts! Sit up, burp; lay down, burp; roll over, burp; roll the other way burp; just sitting there, burp. uuuuuuugh. Steven was calling me Burpy. Things that I basically could eat: yogurt, bananas, soup, rice, and salad. Anything more substantive was a real problem. But luckily that cleared up, for the most part, just in time for Thanksgiving! Tuuuuuurkey! I'm getting a little tired of the restrictions. Don't eat this or that, or drink this or that. And now I'm supposed to lay on my side. Not just any side, but my left side. This is such a challenge as I've been sleeping on my back for some time now. I've taken to placing as many pillows behind me as humanly possible (and as the bed allows) so that if I do fall on my back, I'll at least be on an angle. Not that I'm complaining or that I'd trade it in. Not in the least.

So it began during my last week in Bloomington. We were eating lunch and I got this weird jab in my stomach. Kinda made me jump. Gas? Knowing eyes at the table guessed it was a kick. Time to pay attention! My mom happened to call that afternoon and asked if I felt the baby yet and when I told her she started her giggling and said that Yes, it was weird. So now I'm wondering just how often does this happen?

Steven had been calling me Beenie Weenie since this spring when I mentioned that he really doesn't have a nickname for me. So that's what he came up with. It's hilarious and makes us laugh. When we went to Ralph's festival this year, we stopped in the local grocery store... and lo' and behold there were actual cans of Beenie Weenie's!! What a riot. Well now, the baby is Eenie Weenie. And the nickname has stuck.

During our trip to London, eenie weenie was very active! Almost clockwork... about 30 minutes after having tea or eating supper it would begin it's dance in my belly. Sometimes it would take me by surprise and I'd just about jump out of my seat.

~13 weeks

eenie weenie at ~13 weeks (11/10/2006).

This was the first ultrasound where they calculated due date of 5/18/2007.

eenie weenie at ~13 weeks (11/10/2006).

This was also our Nuchal Fold test for Down's screening. Measurements included thickness behind baby's neck, nasal measurement, and blood test.

~7 weeks

Here we are on 10/10 about 7 weeks. It's grown from a spec to something that really doesn't resemble anything yet.

There's some rocket science going on to calculate dates. The dates we figure don't necessarily correlate to any date that we were given....fudge factor of about 2 weeks.

4.5 weeks

Here is eenie weenie. This ultrasound was taken on 9/22/06 at about 4.5 weeks. Not much to look at now, but we were assured there was something there!

oneplusone

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings