Sugar, Sugar

Sugar, ah honey honey

You are my candy girl

And you've got me wanting you.

Honey, ah sugar sugar

You are my candy girl

And you've got me wanting you.

The Archies

I am now diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I went in for my "routine" OB check and knew the glucose test was coming but didn't anticipate that I would take it that morning. So I had my normal breakfast of cereal and yogurt and off Steven and I went to the doctor's office. I decided to take the test that morning since I had some time and didn't want to run around all morning looking for a lab. 50g of glucose.

Such a sweet, easy test.

Stage 1 - Denial. The following Monday, I received a call from my doctor's office that I had failed my test and that I now needed to take the 3-hour GTT as soon as possible. ugh. Needless to say I was upset over this. "how could I have failed? I don't eat that much sugar." I'm sure that test was wrong considering I had breakfast and taking the 3-hour test would certainly prove them wrong. So I schedule my test for that Friday and am certain that I will pass this one. The 3-hour test requires 4 blood draws: Fasting, 1-hour, 2-hour, and 3-hour post 100g of glucose. Also, there is a particular diet to follow leading up to the test (which I did not know until the night before the test). But I'm certain it won't matter. So I take the test and wait for results and am feeling pretty positive. I'm in good shape, haven't gained a ton of weight, have been watching what I eat......

and I fail.

Stage 2-Anger. Now I'm really upset. I get the call during work and am stunned to hear that I failed this test too. How can this be? I am so upset over this that even thinking about it made me upset. I am told I need to make an appt with INOVA Diabetes Center and then a follow up with another doctor... my mind is a fog and I'm trying to hold it together. Diabetes.

Stage 3-Bargaining. So I'm thinking, surely you must be looking at the wrong results. Are you sure that's my result? I didn't follow the prescribed "diet" before the test, maybe I can take it again. If I don't eat that much sugar, then OF COURSE my body will react and I'll fail the test. "Don't you see this?" Please don't tell me to adjust my diet, I eat fine now. What else will you tell me that I don't know? Exercise? Doing it. Anything else? See, I think you are wrong, I don't have diabetes.

Stage 4-Depression. All day Thursday I can't get over this. I try to stay focused on work. The more I ignore this the more it won't be reality. Food. What's the point of eating it. I'm tired of eating and having to watch what I eat. Does it matter. By the time I get home, however, I can't keep it together and cry on Steven's shoulder all night. I don't want this diagnosis. I don't want what it represents, what long-term impact it will have on my life or my baby, nor do I want the short-term impact of possibly having to do things in a more medical way. He tries to encourage me to eat but frankly I was sick and tired of eating. The Bradley Method has a prescribed diet and now I'll have to follow a "diabetic" diet - reduce sugar. I don't eat that much so what else will you tell me?

I call INOVA and they can squeeze me in last minute in a "class" on Friday. Class? Oh geez, a nutrition class. But I don't need it! Can't you see? I'm asked, "Do you have your own glucose monitor?" Huh? Why? I DON'T HAVE DIABETES why would I have a monitor. "OK we'll give you one." (but I don't want one) I watched my father struggle with diabetes and his constant blood checks, I watch my step-father struggle with his diabetes, blood checks, and dialysis, and I watch my mother struggle to keep from the same fate after her initial diagnosis. I really don't want this.

Class is small, myself and two others. Two others who have struggled with their weight prior to the pregnancy. Two others who said they don't know what they are going to do to eat. "but you can still have a diet coke and fries and mcnuggets"... a sigh of relief comes from one. Again, I tell you, I don't need to be in this class.

I leave class with a glucose monitor and diet tracking sheets. I have to check my urine in the morning to ensure I'm not in ketosis. Steven encourages me. I'll prove them wrong and FINE I'll stick my finger 4 times a day to prove to you that I don't have this problem. You will see when I come back in a week. So there.

Stage 5-Acceptance. I'm not there. I'm still going around and around between Stages 1-4. I'm "measuring" my food (!&*#@#*) and "counting carbs". What I have come to accept is the scientific fact that my body is going through a type of insulin resistance from the hormones from the placenta therefore I am unable to produce enough insulin to process extra glucose. So I'll "watch" what I eat and exercise for the health of my baby and me.

That's about as far as I've gotten.